Thanks to the Koreans, I'll be making vegetables!

I have yet another story to tell.
I'm hoping this will enhance my story telling talents and will one day launch me into the spotlight as a socialite.......either that or the spotlight at a the local library.

We have a little old lady next door who is truly a goer. We will call her Bernice cause that is her name.
She is something to be marveled by for many reasons, I wont get into those reasons.
Bernice lives by herself and has a huge garden. Part of this garden shares a property line with my yard and the other larger part is in her back yard. She works on this garden year round and sometimes gives us corn. She is the cutest old lady with her little sun hat working and perfecting her garden of vegetables. She is the type of person you would like to be like when you get older...if you can stand the thought of getting older; something I'm sadly coping with daily.

I have a little 6 yrl old(who will be referred to as The Goose) and she usually has something to say......all the time. We have actually made a rule that she can only talk at the dinner table as long as she keeps eating. The Goose is one of those kids that, in the words of Bill Cosby, "say the darndest thing" I think they are all like that.
The Goose usually throws out words mid sentence like "dagnabit" or "boo-ya" ....even if they are not fitting to the conversation. Other times she says things that help you understand just how the wheels turn in a little persons mind.
The other morning, during our normal chaotic routine of getting ready for school, work and daycare, The Goose and I were having a discussion......and here is where the wheels start turning.
The Goose knows there are things some people must do everyday and by her understanding this she starts to list them......"Mom has to go to work, Dad has to go to work, sissy has to go to daycare, kids have to go to school, I have to go to school, grandma has to go to work, and Bernice has to make vegetables"
Pretty sure Bernice has done a lot in her life, things she would love to be remembered by, I hope making vegetables is one of them.

If I've talked to you in the last 8 months you probably know that about a year and half ago I bought a car that had a bad title......and I didn't know about it. Three words to live by: Land Rover Sucks!
It has taken me since January, and many very loud discussions, to finally get Land Rover to buy thier POS back (a huge thanks to the TV)......and even longer for them to pay it off......this will be another future blog.
I had a Hyundai Sonata before and it was a most excellent car. Hyundai has had a bad rep for a while, but over all has made great cars and they keep getting better. In my opinion Koreans are great for 2 things: Hyundai and french manicures.
My beef with my Sonata was that it was extra long and looked like grandma car; because I'm having issues with getting old I opted for a Land Rover. Once I got rid of my Land Rover I was in the market for another car. With the price of gas I was looking for something that would be efficeint and would last with high miles. I searched and searched and in the end I went with another Sonata. The newer Sonatas have a different body style which is better and helps with my longing for a young -whipper- snapper image. Although I hated my Land Rover, I was sad to be out of an SUV. I felt the SUV style suited me better....but my brother disagreed. He told me the grandma Sonota looks more like me, it's more my style. Really? But I have worked so hard to look so young! Thats a lie, but you can imagine how I sunk down inside.....my hopes of a young-whipper-snapper image is fading before me.........I think I'll go make some vegetables.

In my opinion......I like dirty underwear.

So I've been debating for some time now wether or not to blog. I was hired once at a job based on my stellar story telling abilities.....I figure what the heck, lets blog.

The problem I have with blogging is that for the most part they are all so freaking boring. It's like they are treated as diaries.
Hello!!!!! It's the internet. There is nothing that will put you to sleep faster than reading from a computer.
Blah

Dear Diary,
Today was super boring and my kids were all snot-nosed boring. And I loved it.
Walmart was boring and my kids were obnoxious.
And I know the rest of you are bored just reading this.

Terrible.
I guess I just assume everyone knows it is not your personal journal.
Now before you go on opining on my comments remember this is my own opinion and yes I have one.
I can't promise this will be witty, clever or even inviting but I'm about to give these story telling abilities the oportunity of a life time! Thanks to my email BFF - you know who you are, you. Holla!

Now for my official entry:

Do you ever do something so stupid and no one catches it but you. And it strikes you so funny, but you're the only who caught it? You start laughing at your self and since no one else noticed it you look really stupid.........of course then you have to say why your laughing and they don' t think it's funny so they give you the courtesy laugh....and in the end you look and feel totally dumb?
Oh, you haven't? Me either.

Today, to waste the time, I went to my best favorite website to read some diary entries and clicked on the store site link on that page. There really wasn't anything there I was interested in. Mostly just girls and guys underwear........thongs and boxers. Blah
There were a pair of boxers that had stain on them with some wording. I couldn't see what the wording was so I maximized the picture, then I had to zoom in. I can't read it and it's lame so I move on to something else, read on and forget what I had open...
Then some girl comes up and needs me to add some stuff to what I've already typed up, this is fine, only she comes around my desk to show me and I start to minimize all my windows to open up the word doc. So when I start minimizing and realize everything was open in a new window......store showing thongs, the boxers enlarged with a huge stain, and other items from the store.......I'm sure it didn't look good or close to innocent. Everytime I went to close a window, the window behind it was underwear. This is not the sort of professionalism I typically portray.

So for lunch today I went to a work bbq and I rode with that same girl from the office.
So I ride with her and her husband (both work with me) and in attempt to make small talk I ask if they are going anywhere for thanksgiving, knowing neither of them are from here. Then they ask me the same thing and I tell them I'm not sure. We usually go to Colorado, but since we are going to Mexico for a wedding at the end of October, I'm not sure we will be able to go to Colorado in November. Then we started talking about Mexico and about the wedding. I say how it's kinda been a pain in the butt, but I say "It's kinda been a pain in the butt, 'n trying to get everything......" then I start laughing.
For some reason I cracked my self up........I realize they didn't notice it, but when I said "pain in the butt, 'n..." it sounded like I said "pain in the button"
Then I was all thinking - what if they think it's a common phrase I use, then that made me laugh more.......so here I am, mid sentence and I'm laughing hysterically and no stopping; so I have to tell them what is so funny and of course they don't find it funny at all. Then I'm feeling really dumb and am laughing more because I know I look retarded......it was like I was trapped in this vicious cycle.
And they both totally gave me a courtesy laugh!
The courtesy laugh was so ridiculous. I knew how dumb it must have sounded and that it really wasn't that funny......I could not stop laughing.
So in the end I never finished my sentence cause after the awkward/ courtesy laughing we just sat in awkward silence.
Not only am I not funny, but I like dirty underwear.
Awesome!